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March 21 Oh. My. God.Whoo-ee!!! I just came back from a debating seminar held in King's College, and it was certainly held in a lecture hall. King's people are so rich! (I mean, like, ancient buildings that looked like it managed to hold on and ride out the harsh conditions of modernization; or they are very well-preserved) Either way, this entry log is not about how King's have acres of land to themselves with dorm buildings, almost university-campus-like (but smaller, like a little town obscured in the slums of suburbs) and cute british-y lampposts which my friend, Kate, dubbed 'fairy lights'.
So! The demonstrated debate was rather lively, but not quite, and yet, they hold a very huge amount of tension. Translation: They were speaking so quickly that I was sure they lost it or I lost it as I try to stay on the edge of my seat and absorb all that is said. I mean, whoa! I admire people who speak fast, yet with definite clarity; but not going too fast a pace would be suitable for the standard audience. I was rather strummed by the fact that they could squeeze so many words, key points, 'No, thank you', 'Yes, I accept' phrases of the Point of Information people...
I am clichely speaking, speechless. I was in awe, but not dropping-down-on-my-knees-worshipping. Seriously, what do you take me for?
What I meant by Point of Information is when one person from a team is speaking, the other person from the other team would say, "Point of information!" out very loudly with some 'funny' gestures (think early men tipping their hat when they pass a gentlewoman). The point is, these are used to either break the flow of your 8-minute speech or make you lose track of what you were going to say via continue on. It is very distracting and rather rude. As distasteful as it sounds, it is necessary to utter those three nasty little words now and again to frustrate the opponent.
Guess what? Impromptu debating's next Wednesday! Yay!
Am I so looking forward to it? March 17 "Busting A Gut""Busting my gut" is my dad's most used phrase; he uses it when the emotional pain he felt was too much in him. He told me that he had been spiritually empty before he found God, but still, the trials and tribulations of life needs a courageous shoulder to bear. He has been discriminated and facing stress in his workplace, he has to come home to an unresponsive wife (and I'm not talking about sex here, guys; it's a matter of language) and has to deal with my teenage dramas and angst from me. I truly believe that he was in a vicious cycle, a turn of change has slowly surfaced, breaking old habits.
My dad is a remarkable man, someone whom I turn to for advice, someone with implicit and explicit knowledge to share, someone with reasonable lectures and arguments, someone who encourages and speaks from the heart; My dad tells no lies in the family. He is honest, direct and forthright.
His way of educating me through persuasion, diplomacy and experience has brought me as I am today, developed naturally in my own time, given sufficient freedom. I marvel at how he taught me to be independent in general, to be able to speak out, and also to be emotionally wise (I would not conform easily to the pressures from society e.g. sex, peer pressure etc.), yet still he would holding on protectively, providing a safety net always.
Always receiving me no matter the time....
He loves me and would do anything, even sacrifice for me. He has done so much.
I need to treat him better, and not always lose my patience with him. For what he's going to say or explain, are gems that could be of value to me in the future.
Ah, the sun has come out through the thick misty haze. It is a time of reflection, a time of realisation, a time to break the cord, a time to pull the plunge.
There is nothing to lose if we show love to our family. There is nothing to lose by saying "I love you" to your blood and flesh. There is nothing to lose to embrace them and show affectionate gestures to the ones you love.
Because deep inside, they truly appreciate what you've been doing and showing all along.
Give your dad a hug today, no matter their response. Just hug them tight and pour your emotion into this praise, "You are a remarkable man. I love you."
Say and do that to your mother as well. March 16 Competitions and PerformancesWell, well, well.
Look who's back.
Me.
^.^
Right'io! Let's get on to what I'm going to write.
Heh. (Sorry, I'm in a terrific jumpy mood; although it doesn't make much sense)
Anyway, I had a Race Unity Speech Competition last Wednesday night. I was nervous, because I'm afriad I'll forget my lines, goof up when I'm in the limelight and well... I just prepared the speech two nights ago. I practised speaking to myself, friends and family just for a few minutes before I went to the designated location: 40, Vermont Street, Ponsonby (St. Columbia Centre).
To my surprise, we were seperated into three rooms, so only about 20 people in one room. As you probably guessed, it was female-dominated. I made friends with the candidates, talked to a finalist last year, Ipshita, an apparently debating champion (as told by Lee), Tracey, the youngest competitor, Carey (girl) from EGGS and Rikki, who just transfered to MAGS. You'd probably noticed the abbreviations, e.g. I'm from MRGS. So, yup, for those not in NZ, EGGS stand for Epsom Girls Grammar School and MAGS for Mount Albert Grammar School.
Well. (Gee, I'm doing lots of 'well's) Me being the 5th speaker, everything was in place. At the final course of the competition, we had to wait for the judges to deliberate. Our room took the longest time whilst the other two rooms were like dismissed in what a few minutes after the winners were announced. Oh, yea, it's just a regional heat. If you get to the next round, you'll be competing nationally.
I have to say I did great! :P Not my first time speaking in front of people, but definitely the first time under tense competition pressure and also in front of the small section of strangers in the world. So, I console myself with the idea that if I goofed up, no one will remember 10 years down the road.
I did really well. :P I didn't get through, but I got good reviews, proudly announcing certain words such as 'powerful beginning, passionate, sincerity' etc. Ain't it wonderful? :D
The next day, I was invited to perform a music item in both assemblies (To my M'sian friends: We have two assemblies here because Butler Hall wasn't large enough to fit all 2300 students). So, I was wracked with uncertainty and nervousness the night before and the following day. It's understandable that I got some minor mistakes in a popular film thematic song.... Grr. My muscles were tensed. I did great in the second assembly.
Wanna know the song? I bet you do.
It's Titanic's theme song, Celine Dion's best. Oh, and it was arranged and handwritten by my M'sian piano teacher back home. Kudos, sir!
March 07 Cancerous TumourA few weeks ago, I was suspected to be a smoker by a couple of doctors and a radiologist.
As from the radiologist's report: A coarse band of density in the right midzone which is probably post inflammatory scarring. Otherwise, lungs and pleural spaces are clear. Cardiac, mediastinal and hilar contours are normal.
It was a shock to me. I knew it wasn't what it was expected, but the report was there. My dad and mom was awfully worried. The radiologists discussed among themselves, rang up a doctor and sent us there. The doctor, Mr. Stone, said 'I'm sure she'll be fine' and then told us that he would seek another doctor's advice of my X-ray print. It wasn't traumatic, fretful or depressing for me, but I can sense anxiety levels shooting up like high-blood pressure patients in my dad. My mom spoke in Cantonese, "Why do you have so many things?" (literal translation)
Her comment did cause a pang in me, and I began to feel guilty. I was worried on future medical costs as I don't want to burden my family with more expenses. We're trying to save up for a house and my education, and I know my parents spent a lot on me (music, my face, general well-being, health, school etc.) That was the first sign of remorse.
Later in the day, I shut myself in my room and studied, trying to distract myself from a sense of loss. Softly, I prayed; I did not cry, I prayed. After that, I just went out to get myself a drink of water; my dad called me in. He showed me the information he gathered from the Internet on lung-related problems. I didn't want to hear about it - first sign of withdrawal. Then, my dad accused me of not being anxious or health-conscious of my own body. He said that publicly in the doctor's office in Cantonese, so no one would understand except us.
Sigh. I understand the fraught from my dad and the silent concern from my mom (though she doesn't say it; sometimes I'm not sure what she's feeling).
Then, I began to think whether I should tell my friends and boyfriend. I thought of the doctor telling me I have 'six months to live'. If it were so, I wonder if the friends I told would be willing to book a flight to Auckland just to see me. Real friendship would be tested then. But if I were to face a situation like this, I would not have want to afflict or saddle my friends with worry... especially not my boyfriend. So, I kept quiet and told only acquaintances, friends with no strong attachments yet. I did just that and managed my week with optimism and unfaltering smiles, just confining myself into a few hours of seclusion when I felt like thinking. I am proud that I've managed to uphold my stance.
I was positive that my body would repair itself, but it would take time. It's just a scarring anyway, the source unknown (although I have a few sneaky suspicion of second-hand smoke).
The Good News is that I've got word that it was a false alarm!You couldn't believe how relieved I was to hear that! Sure it was rather dramatic for a while to think that I was inflicted with this tragedy, like the main character in the world. :P But in the end, I'm grateful that none of my worst fears came true. People like to imagine themselves as the tragic victim, but would want to come out alive at the end; that's normal histrionic behavior.
Finally, I'm ready to tell everyone my story. March 05 Still GoingA friend is someone who shares with you a smile, a tear, a hand.
No modern medicine or meditation has quite the same healing effect as a friend. Friends can take the space once occupied by loneliness and fill it to the brim with partnership and purpose. Isolation is replaced by delightful companionship. (That's where the 'delights' come in into my MSN url: alycedelights). I like putting a smile on people even if it means making myself look like a fool, but not like a complete idiot. You know what I mean anyway. Heartache... is healed by the joy and satisfaction of camaraderie.
Hugs for FriendsIn the sweetness of friendship, let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed. - Kahlil Gibran
Is there anything more pleasant than the voice of a friend when we're feeling the full weight of failure and frustration? That sound alone can bring hope to a surrendered heart.
Is there anything more comfortable than the arm of a friend steadying us when we become weak-kneed from the stress and strain of life's weight on our shoulders? That helpful arm serves to remind us that we don't have to face tomorrow alone.
Friends seem to appear out of nowhere when we need them the most - to reinforce us for unexpected or extended battle. They come without fear for themselves, because they know sacrifice is part of friendship. They come to walk with us, side by side and step by step, until we find a way to defeat the enemy.
Every time a friend rescues us at just the right time, another memory is made. Celebrate those memories often. Life those diamond-bright moments to the light and be thankful for the pressures that brought them into existence. Above all, don't forget to thank God. He was the one who knew exactly the right time to send you a friend. February 17 What To Do TodayRight, now. Let's get started on English:
1) Collecting data on my advert topic (Key Questions!)
2) Collect reserved library books
3) Thoroughly read past year students' reports
4) Think of 'The Worst Journey Ever' for diagnostic writing
5) Look up books and films for wider reading
Biology:
1) DNA replication
2) Remember to ask Lee Hwang for her Biozone answer booklet on Monday
3) Shut out nasty Jesse and only listen to nice Jesse (<.<)
Music:
1) Compose! (Arg.)
= Totally feeling detached from Matthew. Sheesh.
Economics:
1) Read chapter 2
2) Study for quiz on Monday
3) Complete workbook on chapter 2
Math:
1) Study Lee's book to see what I've missed.
Thar. List complete. Now, moving on to 'Wider List':
1) Possibly to Herbal Shop, Grocery Shopping and Hardy's (e.g. Vista)
2) Library (get out books!)
3) Text/SMS/Message
What I've already done for Today:
1) Jog! ^^
2) Finishing this blog entry! (and wrote what I have to do)
What I'm going to do next:
1) Wash my face (apply that aloe vera gel)
2) Research/search for the ads I want to do (duh, I'm not telling you the topic for a reason :P)
3) Shower (optional; I'm waiting for someone online, and they come between a specific time)
4) Review the check list again.
Hahaha... February 16 Feeling Left OutI felt one thing today, one thing that I've never felt before in my entire life (I'm lying, but this time, I'm more aware of it now), that is, feeling left out in a group of friends. Interesting, eh?
My economic and music classes are fun, but somehow, I felt this distinctive feeling of isolation. They're all friends; I believe people aren't strangers, just friends we haven't met. I mean, people there are sociable, witty and nice, but the thing is, they don't give you the feeling of approachability when they're in their 'gang'. It makes it harder to know them and penetrate into their true character. When people are in a group, they tend to act differently rather than just them alone. When you approach someone individually, like one-on-one, they can be even friendlier than you've imagined. Or they can be the total opposite; depends on the person.
Another feeling is incompetency (I'm not sure if I've spelt it right). I finally experienced how it felt being the teacher. When you goofed up a little, like mispelled a word on the board or asked a really stupid question, the kids would give you the 'look'. Come on, please. Teachers are just as human as you are. There is a favourite and traditional saying that goes, 'to err is human'.
Although I know mentors, leaders and teachers should know their stuff and what they're suppose to do next (like planned every next action), you don't expect them to have enormous, perfect memories. Yes, they do fumble in public, but less often, because they know people would judge them from their 'wrongdoings' rather than remember their achievements they had so far. Poeple always think of how other people 'arsed' than how high they've gone so far.
Seventh form is the year to be serious, responsible and concise. But I believe it's also the year to loosen those clasped fingers (I assume praying for exam results :P) and breeze through the fun times. The last ever of high school before we embark on another journey to a whole new dimension - university.
February 09 "That's Your Problem"My junior said it to me, "That's your problem." (when I told him I didn't have lunch)
That got me thinking about the world at large. It is true that human beings or rather people have self-centered attitudes, like it isn't enough that the advertisements/media are reminding us about it every time they're selling a fancy product. Well, people to tend to gravitate to the next-best-thing that benefits them. That is an ingrained huma behavior, and a fact.
Some would disagree vehemently with what I said, because they know very selfless people (although I wouldn't put 'very selfless' together; that would be a lie). But yes, some people show more consideration than others, and they are much more attuned to what other's are feeling above what they're feeling. That is a very wonderful quality to have -empathy. Although kindness are sometimes being taken for granted, and if you really want at least a word of thanks, ask for it. Not point-blank, just start of with 'I'm glad I did <this> for you." Who knows? You might get a praise, even more than a 'thank you'. :)
I absolutely hate people who use words to make fun of other people. Jokingly is alright, provided the other person feels the same (e.g. ain't overly-sensitive). And what I don't like is when a person tells you, "That's your problem.", if say you told him, "Oh gosh, I feel guilty today for yelling at him." If the listener tells you that that's your 'problem', he/she is not going to agree with you and try to comfort you. Rant elsewhere.
Even worse is when you tell a friend, "I'm fat." and she says, "That's your problem.", that is so gonna wipe away your self-esteem. Especially coming from a friend. Perhaps it is. Perhaps you should confide your worries to another more considerate friend if you know this friend is the blunt and brutally honest kind. If you're looking for sympathy, know where to find it. But don't overdo the theatrics. January 25 New Zealand Beach - Mission BayYesterday was a day full of promise:I updated my story on http://www.fanfiction.net , talked to my sweet boyfriend, and went to a beach!! *Whoo-hoo!*-does hula-hoops dance- with church friends; moral support for those who were getting baptised at the beach!
As my friend, Grace and I walked along the beach, I had a sense of peace and serenity filled me, and nightmares of drowning was all gone from my mind. The salty air, gentle cool water waves, and the occasional hard pebbles/shells on the sand made me feel so at home. It was my first time at a beach after 4 years...
The scene is beautiful; a few islands from my sight, sails and kayaks swam past. I wouldn't say the ebach was calling to me, but I feel like I want to merge with this beautiful nature place, drinking in the solitary-but-not-quite atmosphere.
When I stepped out into the shallow waters, I began to be fearful of jellyfishes, crabs and sharp hidden rocks that would cut my feet. But none of that happened. I want to go to the beach again! And I have the chance to: on the 29th Jan with my friends celebrating a birthday!
Buuuut...
I have to take a bus.
She said it's going to be at the hottest hour (not a very attractive proposition for me, because I can't stand the heat and the scorching sun - therefore I was nicknamed "Candle Princess" or more simply: "Vampire"). If I put on fake fangs and a dash of crimson lipstick, I'll look like the classic vampire; I don't need white foundation to make me look pale. I already have milky white skin that sometimes look awfully paley-leprosy like under the moonlight. <.< I don't have leprosy or any skin disease, mind you. I'm just born with delicate skin.
Sigh, and I mean delicate. It's so sensitive that if it comes into contact with dirt-mud and not washed off in 30 minutes, it'll itch really bad. That's why, I don't really like camping much nor outdoor dirt-and-grime sports. I suppose I burn easy (under the sun) as well, although I've never tried it. Why would I want to experiment and damage my skin that way?
Riight. Back to yesterday at the beach.
So, I waded out into the ocean, the water level was up to my crotch (just stating the facts. Not implying anything <.<). And I prayed, clapped and 'whooped' at people after their baptism. I should've thought of the consequence, wading out spontaneously like that without a towel nor a change of clothes. I'm lucky that I didn't catch a cold today...
*Achoo!*
D: Oh, no! January 19 The Item I StoleAh! I remember what I've stole now... Remember the first post where I said I've shoplifted some one item? I remember it now.
It's the New Testament from the tuition centre I went to. ^^'
I didn't exactly steal it, because I asked the honest staff (not the pinchy thief), "May I borrow it?"
I just never returned it. Whoops. January 17 The Naughtiest Boy in SchoolBack in Malaysia, I was still at Catholic High School. It was my first year when I encountered the soon-to-be 'blacklisted' lamb of our strict school. It was pure coincidence that brought both of us to meet - at a tuition centre.
He was this short, baby-face, brown boy; very distinct in a class of seven for his loud and somewhat rude remarks. He made me cry on his first day at the centre. From that day on, I steered clear away from this shallow pig and thanked the others who had given him a good brow-beating and words of discipline. He called me a name, metaphor to <something> (which I partially forgotten, but never the context). Well, I vowed not to cross-paths with him again.
But well, we had a fleeting glance of each other the following year and he met my eyes for a few seconds and looked down. Hah! I thought. Feel guilty! That was the only time we've seen each other in that year. And I heard rumours that he was fast joining the ranks of the list of rule-breakers. I heard plenty of disciplinary actions was taken out on him in the next year as well.
It had been years, and I harboured no more grudge. And I tried to be friends (cautiously approaching him, of course, putting up an air of indifferent kindness) with him since he's my classmate and sat behind me (which will be permanent throughout the year). What prompted me was that I heard that he invited himself out with this group of friends, and they left him when he went to the loo. I thought it was pretty mean of them to do that and so, I feel sorry for him. I reckon his image and reputation in school was ruined by his own perverted mind and too-blunt loud crasses when he was 13-14.
Guess what? He made me cry again. This time, we're 16.
Gosh! I felt like a fool. It's just a simple remark that I could've probably misheard even though I was only a few feet away when he said that. After analysing the situation with his testimony that he did NOT say that, I guess I over-reacted. I broke an excuse of being stressed out and his 'suppose' remark triggered the flood of tears. Gee, and I was made to go to the counsellor, since it wouldn't do to have a Class Treasurer crying through the whole period (disrupting the class).
And the fates have it! We saw each other again at the tuition centre. This time, we were rather civil and talk pleasantly with one of the staff members. We were both talking about how he made me cry, and I vehemently retorted, "That was like soooo looong ago. Drop it, will you?" He didn't say it out of spite, that I can tell, but I suppose he was trying to figure me out. Translation: she's a sensitive-trigger flood bath.
FEH. The staff member did tell him that "you should apologise when you make a girl cry" yadda yadda yadda. I thought he (staff member) was nice, although he has pinchy little eyes.
The next day, we found out that he (staff) was a thief. He stole the tuition centre's money e.g. our tuition fees and ran off with it. But miraculously, the centre did install a security camera and he was caught in the act. Luckily, it was not my tuition money he stole, but others. And here I'm thinking of myself! I do sympathise with the others, and I thought he was a nice guy the day before!
You can never tell with a person.
Oh, and what happened to The Naughtiest Boy in School? His attitude was getting better, and he was more considerate and polite, although his swearing would probably never cease and he would always be thinking of porn. He thought he was 'jinxed' when 2 people (including me) was moving abroad to study. That's ridiculous! I told him that and he wondered aloud if I can survive in a foreign country.
"If you can't stand swearing, you'll probably hear even more over there."
And I thought: Gee, did you know that I'm already used to people swearing in front of me (althought not at me - that would be depressing) because of the time I spent hearing you talk? I'm like immunised by you. (Probably :P)
But he did give me a compliment that I still remembered today: "You'll probably do well over there, 'cuz you sorta look like a mat salleh (foreigner or someone with foreign blood)." January 12 The Marriage Between Heaven and HellWell! You see, instead of The Battle Between Heaven and Hell, the marriage of both demensions are plausible, albeit I'm talking Alternate Universe. You guessed it! It's a fiction title.
I've always been interested in Angels and Demons, you know, the unknown guardians (angels) and the grim (demons). If they were to exist and probably do, in real terms, they would not fall in love, make hybrid babies and live happily ever after. BUT! They do so, in fiction/manga/anime/novels etc.
Why is that?
Because the delicious idea of it: the forbidden love, the complete polar opposites, the Religious Law, the anticipated drama of that all and the steamy scenes of denial and reluctant reciprocation. You could probably theorised that demons thrive chaos, and what's more devious than making an angel fall in love with them, play with them around a bit and throw them away? Chaos is a drug to demons and all evil alike. They strive to break down your resolve, they make you wayward of your resolutions, they make you angry, hate, kill... That's the influence Satan can create.
So, I quite like the drama I've created, which I'm currently drawn to a particular role-play forum: http://z4.invisionfree.com/The_Long_Lost_Fable/index.php You scroll to the bottom o the page > Other Roleplays > The War Between Heaven and Hell Part 2. Yes, we've finished part 1, although it's not fully accomplished yet. One thing's for certain, I am definitely hooked.
You play pretend. You pretend that one of your many characters is an angel, or a demon, or even a human with supernatural power or even a clairvoyant. You set up abilities and also weaknesses, you mould their personalities to perfection, you interact with other players of the same interest, you make everything happen with words!
Psst, do you want to know something? I bet you do.
Before I came to accept Christ, I played in the Role-play Part 1 and had begun researching the bible. Interestingly, I got interested in Christianity and as I was saved by Christ, I smiled knowing that the seed had already been sown through such a coincidental game.
Tell you what. If you already have ideas or have the urge to release that creative flow, why not come to aforementioned site and we'll play a game; a game of Angels and Demons, love and lust, right and wrong; the gray matter of all in-between!
See you there! :P
P.S: I'm Jubilee in that site. And although the site doesn't seem much at first, it would be worth the while to test your writing skills. Be there to check it out! January 11 Appreciation
Quote Talking about Hidden Subtleties Only A Friend Knows So, people keep saying "What the HELL is blah, blah, blah..."
HELL meant
So, I'd think twice about sprouting the word, unless you really want to condemn that person or thing to the firey pits of Hell. Gp ahead, but really, who would say "What the JAIL is this?"
I recommend 'Freak': "What the FREAK is this?"
Or if that makes you uncomfortable, try: "What is this?" Wih cool composure and a very turbulent mind. Not good to suppress it. :P January 08 Hidden Subtleties Only A Friend KnowsI guess friends are more considerate than we take them for credit. They're warmly considerate, positively enthusiastic and coolly tolerable to our silly antics. They accept our wack and truer ones, even defend them from non-committal acquaintances or nasty gossip.
Friends walk with you in your life, and if you got lucky, they'll be willing to walk with you for life.
The Dark Matter of Friendship is not easily conquered, however, there are steps to prevent it from happening.
You see, when a friend who say, was equal to you in rank, you won't feel threatened. But if the said friend had a promonotion to say, president of the same club and you're still a member, you would expect to celebrate for the joyous occasion, but does envy and jealousy creep in here? And after all the 'Wow, she/he can be like totally bias to me or more lenient to me' and when you got an unpleasant surprise that your friend treats you as coolly as an employee, you'll start to realise that she've changed to be a more 'fair and airs' person. I do believe it's not hia/her fault; experience, circumstances and consequences made he/she that way. You may find the friendship you share may drift, unless you change jobs and obtain the same rank/position as her.
This could happen in a club or corporate ladder.
The Dark Matter of Friendship has other forms, whereby the friend strives to be like you so much that the admiration may be suffocating and very pressurable. It could also easily be that because you've lost contact of one another when the other half moves away from you. It's not easy to stay in contact with friends abroad, for me, at least, 'cause I'm not an e-mail person; I like instant-chat via phones. But I do have one way for people who share the same instant gratification prose: first, you keep up e-mailing consistently until it drags you down. Stop for a little while (does not mean months and months), ring him/her up just for the gist of it. This will lead to another round of e-mailing every week.
Oh, and do you know that I love looooong e-mails, because I have a penchant for writing loooooooooong ones, and when people write short messages, I don't bother replying. SOmetimes I do reply, but in a very detach manner, short and surly but keeping the friendliness in my tone. If the messages continue to be short, I would've given up writing to him/her altogether.
Still, there is hope for me if my procrastination would just end there. January 06 The Pointing GameI have a question for everyone:
So, basically, whenever anyone ask you for the time, they point to their wrists.
So, whenever I want to go to the loo, does it mean that I should point to my crotch?
 January 04 Lifting One's SpiritBAH! I haven't been to church for weeks now, and I'm sneakily avoiding my church ushering duty by passing off excuses and calling a substitute to replace me. Those aren't measly excuses, you know; there are completely valid, and besides, I could not not go to church ifI'm catching or probably should put it this way 'been following in my parents' car' to church.
Of course they want to know why and I gave reasons, which are passable.
My first reason was like
-I developed blisters when I got lost (and I didn't purposely do it)
-I was on the first week of oriental medication, you don't expect me to go yet. (although that's rather weak)
-And I over-exerted myself during one morning jog (my calves stung like hell, and my dad was the witness; although still I could drag myself to church)
But the main reason is that I fear judgment from others. Even though I know, being in a church community, church people are suppose to be like kind, non-judgmental and basically nice, I can't shake the feeling of being judged by my external appearance, you know.
I have a Christian friend in Malaysia, and she said one day when I showed her my Christmas photos in Mid-Valley, "Wow. You look so thin. Why are you so fat now in school. Must be because you eat during holidays." I was like, jaw-dropped. I still had the same figure from then and now, and I later realised that clothes can actually make you seem thinner or fatter. Actually, like totally deceive people. I thought it'll never work in the past, but I've learn to choose the style of my clothes carefully now.
I can't believe I still remembered what she said! Dammit! Why do we remember criticisms (although not ill-intended, I suppose) so well?
Once, I was feeling so down, I couldn't even look at people right on the eye, but this wonderful blonde librarian kept showering me compliments, like, "You're such an awesome person", "Fantastic" etc. I was literally dumbfounded and found that I could not reply her back. I couldn't even give her a compliment back!
After that, her words lifted my spirits, even if it was from a stranger. December 22 Addicted to Youtube.com!I just love the free videos there! It's a shame we can't keep it, but we can save it! Currently watcing Ouran High. It's so dastardly funny, awesomely hilarious and choke-full of the next-minute laughter! Oh yea, did I mention it was an anime?
Interestingly, we say 'ponteng' in Malaysia, but we say it 'wag' in NZ; 'tuck shop' as in canteen; 'mozzie' as in mosquito; 'ball' instead of prom; 'mock exam' sometimes 'trials'...
I must say, I watch almost all of Bleach, Naruto, Ouran episodes on YouTube. Hah! Did I mention I installed Xtra broadband by myself!: P My, my, I'm getting rather good at DIY activities.
Oh, yea. One thing in NZ is people are very self-reliant. They don't have maids to take care of house chores. Although this may seem rather pampered, NZ'ders are as 'spoilt' as M'sians in general. We do have minimum pay, because of the legislation. This Act could have perhaps encourage people to rise the minimum pay or was it caused by the rise of oil prices. Nevertheless, NZ'ders are enjoying life in push greenness and prospering crops (housing boom, dairy products and perhaps movies...? Think LOTR). However, people are migrating to Australia, because of lower tax cuts.
NZ policy reveres to the progressive tax system. We have to have 20% from our pay compared to 5% in Malaysia. Although the interest rates are not as high in Malaysia (NZ sporting a 7%+ interest - means more money in bank, discouraging spenders, but that's usually not the case).
Heh! I'm going all economic-wise now. Sorry!
So, as everyone knows, I love anime and manga. SOmefriends can't believe how can I get so excited about cartoons. It's Japanese animations! I must say it's wonderful how they've made cartoons in their own Japanese way, stmaping their uniqueness and creativity in improving what was into something so well-recieved world-wide.
Still, the real deal is the most appealing (meant real tangible people) and nothing beats its originality. December 20 In My Life, Have I Ever...( ) Smoked a cigarette . - No way. Never.
( ) Drank so much you threw up. - Nope. I drank beer and liquor just once and it was gross. I will only take wine occasionally in social settings. ( ) Crashed a friend's car/van/bike/truck/bus - Seriously? I don't even have a driving license yet ( ) Stolen a car/van/bike/truck/bus - *Guffaws* In the movies, yeah. ( X ) Been in love. ( ) Dumped somebody ( ) Been dumped. ( X ) been hurt by someone you care about - we are afterall human with feelings and emotions and tend to take a grudge after that unfortunate episode. However, learn to forgive as time goes by. It does release a lot of your pain, anger and frustration. Pray or talk about it. ( X ) been let down by someone you care about - they might have their reasons. Tell them how you feel and hear them out if they're willing to convey their context. ( X ) Shoplifted. - Maybe. Not very sure, but still... there was one tiny item which I can't remember. ( ) Been laid off/fired... ( ) Quit your job... ( ) Smoked a joint ( ) Been in a fist fight... - You're kidding, right? I'm a girl, and I do cat-fights. ( X ) Snuck out of your parent's house - I'm left alone most of the time. ( ) Taken it up the ass - What are you implying here?  ( X ) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back. - mere crushes ( ) Been arrested - been in the police station before, but was not under the pretext of an awry criminal job gone wrong. ( ) Gone on a blind date. - Would want to try it sometime. ( X ) Lied to a friend.... ( X ) Skipped school... - I have my reasons ( ) Seen someone die - No, but I've seen someone get busted on the head by a group of hooligans before. It's so not fair: 5 guys to 1; he was bleeding so bad, no one helped him during the fight. But after that, it was all helping hands and authority. ( ) Been to Canada - I want to. ( ) Been to Mexico (x) Been on a plane - How do you think I came to New Zealand? (x) Been lost. - Countless of times in New Zealand. Like just last week, I got lost on my way home from the library. Unfortunately, I was too stubborn to bring a map with me, and so! I relied on my photographic memory of the Epsom area. Sadly, I walked for 2 hours under the scorching heat with T-shirt tied up and sweat sticking onto my hot pink 'Sistas' cap. Luckily, I wasn't too proud to ask for directions. By the end of the day, I've developed a sizeable blister on both my soles. Swell. ( X ) Been on the opposite side of the country.. - If you count Singapore... ( ) Gone to Washington, DC (x) Swam in the ocean - Yea, during one of those Oriental Orchestra's camp in Malaysia. ( ) Have a crush/gf now - Nahh, I'm sober. ( ) Felt like dying - Not now. Too much happening and I wouldn't want to be a coward, and selfishly take my life when I know there are people who would be devastated if I committed suicide. I'm going waaay off, aren't I? ( ) Cried yourself to sleep.. - Aaaw.... ( ) Played cops and robbers.. ( ) Recently coloured with crayon. ( X ) Sang karaoke. - We call it 'Sing Star' in NZ and yup, I've sang before for the first time in a Christian youth group. Going to one tonight.  ( X ) Paid for a meal with only coins.... - Well, yea. You know, like canteen/tuck shop. (x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't. - Yep. Plenty. ( ) Made prank phone calls. ( ) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose - Nahh. Sometimes I puke through my nose. ( ) Caught a snowflake on your tongue... - No snow here in Auckland. There was this hail-rain though... ( ) Danced in the rain - I ran in the rain. ( ) Written a letter to Santa Claus.. - Hmm.. I'm actually celebrating my first proper Christmas here in NZ. ( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe.. - Heh. No mistletoes for me to go under. ( ) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about (x) Blown bubbles -
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach - Not on the beach, it was in a friend's yard. ( ) Crashed a party.. - That would be mean ( ) Gone roller-skating - Would love to try it ( ) Ice-skating - Afraid I'll sprain my ankle.
( ) Been on a road trip - Lots of times ( ) Tortured your pet with something eg. fire - That's like ultimately cruel. (x) Saw remains of a dead animal/pet - Well, I saw a dead bird and lizards and cats... ( ) Been betrayed by a close friend ( ) Wish you were born into the opposite sex- Sometimes. My father sometimes told me he treats me like a little boy. |
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