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July 29 Collection of PsalmsMy wounds fester and are loathsome
because of my sinful folly.
My back is filled with searing pain;
there's no health in my body .
I am feeble and utterly crushed;
I groan in anguish of heart.
Hear my cry for mercy
as I call to you for help,
as I lift up my hands
toward your Most Holy Place.
When I kept silent,
my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night
your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was sapped
as in the heat of summer.
Then I acknowledge my sin to you
and did not cover up my inquity.
I said, "I will confess
my transgression to the Lord" -
and you forgive the guilt of my sin.
Let your face shine on your servant;
save me in your unfailing love.
Let me not be put to shame, O Lord,
for I have cried out to you;
but let the wicked be put to shame
and lie silent in the grave.
Let their lying lips be silenced,
for with pride and contempt
they speak arrogantly against the righteous. FurySiiiiiiigh... I was going to relate how delightful my birthday celebration was.. but my dad just had to chose that moment to 'spoke me' (his absolute favourite saying now) <.< So, yea. Great for him to chose the right moment to stab something right into my heart of budding happiness. Maybe not natural happiness, but realistic contentment. I haven't felt such a nice feeling for a while, not after all that had happened. Just great. The only sound I hear is my protesting stomach and typing, plus a radio broadcastor speaking. WHat I felt overwhelms all that I'm hearing, such accusations. Do you know how I feel whenever anyone of my parents accuses me of being the trigger of every of their arguments? Huh? "Its all because of you." "It's all because of you." Do you know the burden I had to carry? Yet I have to stay tough, hold strong, stand tall, look confident so that no one has to worry too much about me? I especially cannot let my juniors know how much pressure I'm in. I refuse to crumble under these circumstances. No way! July 25 ~Amazing Grace~Amazing Grace Lyrics
"Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound, The movie totally blew me away. Some people commented of the slo-pace and lack of action, but I beg to differ: the wit would certainly draw you in. Trust me on that. And you get to hear Ioan Grufford sing. ^^ July 13 Do You Know Something I Don't?Do you know how empty the words I utter? I'm not saying I keep empty promises, but how hollow I sound, how distant, how unattached, how childish.... Childish for complaining. I don't complain much, because I've learnt to hold it in. If you complain, people's first impression of you is a complainer, a whiner, someone who couldn't handle much responsibility.
Do you know a leader is strong, resilient and with the never-give-up mentality? If someone looks up to you, you immediately have the role of someone who can influence, someone who can inspire, someone who can affect the lifes of others. The ones who look to you respect and admire you. They are known to place you high on the rung of ladders in their mind. They see you as you can speak no wrong, you can do no wrong... That's how young children see their parents, how young kids see teachers, mentors, even friends.
Do you know what you want in life is to see yourself happy? If we're not happy, we feel the world is against us, 'I'm being mistreated here! Why can't anyone see that?', 'Life's unfair!' etc. . Being happy is not a sin, I never said it was. Having yourself happy works in a lot of ways. If you're happy, you're in a good mood, which results in yourself being open and smiling, willing to help a complete stranger, willing to deal with family, willing to give another person one more chance or just shrugging off the $20 that a friend owes you. You feel much more productive and actually feel like you want to do something... anything that other people can enjoy as well. If you're able to laugh at yourself or lighten tense moments at the right moment with the right appropriateness (I mean, some people just crack up at the wrong instances which can be very bad), I'd say you're good to go make a difference.
Do you know that relationships are the most complicated, most frustrating problem than any other Calculus jig-a-ma-algebra trig-differentiation problem? They've got so many books published on relationships alone! Jeez! We learn there's a first base, second base and way-beyond second base. I bet a fourth base will hit the markets soon. How to kiss? How to break-up? How to hook-up with Mr/Mrs. Right. We just crave love dramas, man! Waiting doesn't seem an option nowadays. But I could be wrong. Oooh, yea. These days, people marry for love. Most people. Some might argue about good-looks, money, fame... See here, a relationship stems from chemistry and it depends entirely on the other person if he/she likes the way you look. If he/she is 40 pounds overweight, has a rash on the neck or knitted eyebrows, and you still like them... Why? Cause you still think they look good! Of course, you'll have to coax them to maybe pluck off some of the hairs, put on some cream etc., you just want the best for them.
Money issue. Hmm.. it's always the toughest. Well, maybe not to some people. I wonder really, how many people can really live up to the vow of 'in richness and in poverty'. It would certainly be testing times. We do look for mates that can provide for the family. Guys grow up thinking they have to have a job, they have to at least earn more than the girl or woman... being the breadwinner is wired in a man's mind as family is more orientated in a woman's mind. It stems from prehistoric times. Basic instinct. So, hah! No one can prove me wrong. :P
You'll be lying if you say you don't want a partner who's caring, honest, loving and loyal.
And Girls, sex is not the way to go for a long-lasting relationship. You'd be lucky if he wants to marry you after romping for 5 months. Please don't get offended. I just feel that sex after marriage is a better option. To expose your body before marriage is especially traumatising if the relationship just does not work out in the end. We have such a huge market of magazines such as Playboy and pornography that girls are looking towards nude shots for a quick buck.Even if you're desperate, you have a choice! Don't do things that you'll regret later in life. July 12 Amalgam of GriefI am not happy.
My health's deteriorating, I'm not happy in my relationship, I'm not happy with my time-wasting, I'm not happy with how I'm always on the net, I'm not happy how I've always craved friends.
What am I afraid of?
I'm afriad of loneliness, rejection and feeling guilty. Common human emotions, and it is a signal that something's not right.
We rely on these signals to judge for ourselves what should we do to improve this situation. I know it's rather tragically heroic if we stay in those self-pitying sympathy and hope that something of extraordinary hope would encase us and pull us away from the murky depths of darkness in our hearts. We all wish for a miracle. We wish that our loved ones, either human or animal would somehow come back to life. It is not possible, yet not impossible.
To come back to life is God's doing. To come back to life from defeat is your move. You move yourself out with God's help. When I say God's help, it is when he sent the right people to bring you up back to life. These people could be friends, family or strangers. The world is not limited to a pleasant circle of known acquaintances. The world is undeniably foul, but the beacons of light among worst are those who stick to their guns, living the life they should. They know what is right, what is wrong. They are like leaders who tells people, "Get up and follow me. You won't go wrong."
We have many people setting this example for us, and yet we choose our own way. It is not wrong to do that, because we want to discover for ourselves, which makes the change even more lasting, and for the better. However, we know we have to have some support at least to get through grief, depression, defeat, disabilities, addictions... If it were not for the people that are willing to help us no matter the costs, I'll say our generation, our world is in deep trouble. Deep, selfish, trouble.
Some people say the church can't help me. Let me ask you this, are you willing to receive help in return? Understand that what doesn't work for you doesn't mean it doesn't work for other people. Maybe the church is facing financial difficulties... When people say the churches are out for our money, think about this: how can a church operate and do charity works when it is financially unstable? With finance out from our worry, the church will expand its generosity to others. The church does not exist for the benefit of themselves, it exists for the benefit of the public. I know some of you might find it hard to believe, but when a church does not give you money when you asked for it, that's because you're asking it on the wrong terms, trying to get a free nick off them. The church will help those in need if it's within their power.
They will.
Although I'm not always happy with how life turns out to be, I ask people to encourage me to move on. If I'm not positive inside, the outside will show. And those who care will ask you. If you're screaming inside for someone to notice and they don't.. speak out. You do not need to suffer alone. If they are your friends, they'll listen and not interrupt.
I've lost sleep because I was counselling some friends. And I became sick. I thought it is my job to always be there for my friends. Sadly, I misinterpreted my stamina. A good leader knows how to balance. And I need to practice that. Delegation. Less worry.
What I've vowed:
1) No expletives used in my daily conversations
2) Look towards God more often
3) Make connections/relationships that exalt me towards God
I can't guarantee I'll stop wasting time... Timeis a luzury and unfortunately, some of us take it for granted. |
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